


This is me SongFic

by ReignMyWorld



Series: Monrose SongFic Series [3]
Category: Joe Anoa'i - Fandom, Professional Wrestling, Roman Reigns - Fandom, WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, F/M, Songfic, monrose songfic, monrose songfic series, roman reigns angst, songfic series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-05 03:05:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17316872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReignMyWorld/pseuds/ReignMyWorld
Summary: It had been months since your and Joe’s ways had separated. Months you tried to put the pieces of your life back together, starting life anew. And just as you thought that you would be able to forget him, would be able to live again, fate once again showed that it has different plans for you and him quite alike.





	This is me SongFic

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: angst
> 
> Pairing: Joe Anoa’i x Reader
> 
> Note: This is Part 3 of the Monrose SongFic Series.
> 
> Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/177640617052/this-is-me-songfic-roman-reigns-x-reader
> 
> Monrose - This is Me
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pMZTQsT8RQ

**_When I’m lying on the floor,_**  
**_Starring at the door._**  
**_And tears are falling down._**  
**_(Don’t think I can’t make it alone)_**  
**_Been lying here for days,_**  
**_Soaking up the pain._**  
**_My tears are slowly drowned._**  
**_(Don’t think I can’t make it alone)_**

It had been several months since you had moved to another city, not just in your former state but a complete different one. Of course it still hurt having lost him but you could feel that it was getting easier, at least you told yourself that. Not living in the same city anymore, where everything reminded you of him, helped you somehow. Your heart was still aching for Joe and sometimes you were close to just grabbing your phone and dialing his number that you knew by heart but you didn’t. You knew that you would just make it worse and whatever he was doing now, you hoped that he was able to repair the damage you and him had done to his family. You avoided watching TV whenever RAW came on because you knew that seeing his face would just stir up everything again that you tried to push to the back of your mind. It took you some time to be able to do so and it took you an even longer time to somehow adjust to the situation. At first you just wanted to lie on the floor and bawl your eyes out due to how downhill everything had went ever since you told Joe that you were planning on marrying your boyfriend. It took you several tries to get back up to your feet and dust yourself off.

There was still this huge emptiness in you, the part of you that left you the day you made him walk out of your life, but you were absolutely determined to somehow fill it. You knew that this was impossible but that didn’t mean that you couldn’t try. And a first step in order to do so was to pack your stuff, quit your job and start anew, preferably far away where nothing would remind you of the man you loved with all your heart. It was a little challenge to find a new city you could feel at home, to find a new job and an apartment you would feel comfortable in, but you managed to do all of that. With the help of your friends you pulled up your stakes, leaving your old life behind, moving to a city several hundred miles away and starting there anew. With everything being unknown to you, you were at least occupied, not being able to think of him again and again. Your job was rather challenging but you loved it, giving you the chance to meet a lot of new people. You were already making the first acquaintances days after you had moved into your new apartment and couple days later you did not only become friends with a lot of your neighbors but some of your colleagues quite alike. Of course, none of them could ever replace the wonderful friendship you had with Joe but you didn’t look for a replacement anyway. You looked for something fresh and new.

**_So I move my feet up off the ground_**  
**_Get myself in a shower,_**  
**_Wash you out._**  
**_I’m too strong to fail,_**  
**_Stronger now._**  
**_Don’t get twisted,_**  
**_Not missing you,_**  
**_Take a look_**

Before you could think twice you were welcomed to a new circle of friends, you would go out with from time to time and you knew that you could count on them whenever you needed their help. And although your heart was still shattered, you started dating again. Nothing serious of course, not even a bunch of one night stands, but just going to the movies, a nice restaurant or even a basketball game with some guys, whose company you enjoyed. But no matter how many dates you went on, you would always find yourself comparing them to the Samoan, that was not only your best friend for over a decade but also your lover for a limited amount of time. And no matter how often you scolded yourself for doing so, you just couldn’t change it. It was like a curse. Whenever you thought that you could give the guy, you went on a date with, a second chance, it was always his face occupying your thoughts and your mind, reminding you how unforgettable the times with him were and that nothing and no one could ever reach that. It was not fair at all but this always prevented you from going to more than one or maybe two dates with the same guy. You knew that you had to change that, that you somehow had to get over him, that all of this wasn’t good for your own well- being but it was easier said than done. Maybe it would already help you to just lock away your feelings and open up to other guys on a strictly physical level again, so you could take this as a base and start working from there. You knew that this wouldn’t be the perfect solution but you had to start somewhere if you somehow wanted to return to the old you again. You would have to work on that anyway.

**_This is me_**  
**_And I will not be invisible,_**  
**_You can’t keep me in control,_**  
**_Tonight I’m startin’ again. (again, again)_**  
**_(Don’t think I can’t make it alone.)_**

It was one of those lazy Saturdays and after a whole week at work, that was rather challenging, you were just happy to lie down on your couch in order to watch your favorite show on Netflix. You loved evenings like that, where you could just relax, not having to dress up, being able to fall asleep whenever you wanted to. Just as you were about to start the next episode the doorbell rang. You grumbled to yourself but decided to ignore it. As it rang again and again you got up and moved over to the door, rather annoyed at whoever dared to interrupt your evening. As you opened the door you crooked an eyebrow as you saw some of your friends standing there. “What are you doing here?”, you wanted to know, rather surprised as you hadn’t expected any visitors. Your friends didn’t wait for your invitation before they entered your apartment, smiling at you. You didn’t know why but you were quite sure that you wouldn’t like the reason for their visit. “We are here to pick you up Y/N.”, one of them said, highly amused at your confusion. “What? Pick me up to go where?”, you questioned with your friend replying: “Come on Y/N. It’s Saturday, we are young and the night belongs to us. You can sleep when you are dead but right now we want to take you to our usual club. They have some pretty awesome live music there tonight and it would be a shame to waste your evening on your couch instead.” You looked at them rather skeptical, not really wanting to leave the comfort of your own home. On the other hand, you loved spending time with your friends and if you were honest to yourself one of the guys had caught your attention. It was not that you were head over heels but you at least enjoyed his company - although it was not the company of a certain other person of course.

You thought about it, wanting to disagree but you decided that it wouldn’t hurt going out and having some fun. So you just smiled at your friends, saying: “Okay give me a minute. I’ll be right back. Oh and feel as if you were at home” With that you vanished into your sleeping room, grabbing your favorite dress and heels, before you headed into the bathroom to jump into your clothes, putting a little make up on and combing through your hair. A last look convinced you that you were ready and as you moved out of the bathroom to join your friends you were greeted with a lot of compliments. “You look stunning, I hope that you know that.” Y/F/N said, the one that you actually found pretty attractive. “Well, thank you Y/F/N, you don’t look too bad either.”, you winked at him, making him chuckle. As you grabbed your bag you signaled to them that you were ready to go and the bunch of you left your apartment. Luckily for you the club was in walking distance, meaning it wouldn’t be too bad if you had a drink or two.

**_No I will not be invisible,_**  
**_Shining bright like a star,_**  
**_I’m in control_**  
**_No you won’t hurt me again,_**  
**_You won’t hurt me again…_**

When you were heading there your thoughts travelled back to Joe, automatically thinking of all of the times you and him would hit the clubs in the past, and you could feel how your heart was growing heavy immediately. You cursed yourself and decided to ban every single thought of him to the back of your mind. It wasn’t long until you reached the club with Y/F/N, who had put his shoulder over your arm, pulling you closer to him, asking: “You’re alright Y/N? You look kinda sad.” You tried to smile at him as you answered: “Yeah I’m alright. I just had to think of something.”

“Something concerning your past?”, he wanted to know with you smiling sadly as you replied: “Yeah. It wasn’t hard to guess, huh?” He smiled at you, pulling you closer as he said: “Not at all. And to be honest, whoever he is that had hurt you that bad, he deserves to be slapped in the face.” You looked at him in shock as you asked: “How do you know? I have never said anything like that.” He thought about his words before he answered: “It sounds completely cheesy but in certain moments, when you think no one is watching, you seem to be absolutely heartbroken. The kind of heartbroken you actually just experience when a person you love from the bottom of your heart has betrayed you. I have just figured that it was a boyfriend that hurt you or something like that.” You had to gulp hard, feeling how your eyes were already filling with tears as you mumbled: “To be honest, you are not far from the truth. Heartbroken is pretty fitting. But… I mean… he has not betrayed me. I made him leave.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”, he wanted to know with you shaking your head as you answered: “Not really, no. But thank you for your offer. Right now I just want to go to this club, dance the night away and leave my old life and everything, that’s bothering me, behind.” He smiled down at you, saying: “We certainly can do that.” You smiled up at him and joined the happy chatter of your other friends as you queued in front of the club, waiting to be allowed in.

**_When I’m reaching out for life_**  
**_And die a thousand times_**  
**_Too weak to carry on…_**  
**_(Don’ think I can’t make it alone.)_**  
**_When silence is the sound,_**  
**_And hope is fading out_**  
**_And all the love has gone_**  
**_(Don’t think I can’t make it alone.)_**  
**_For a while the ground was gone,_**  
**_Don’t worry I weren’t there for long_**  
**_I’m stronger now,_**  
**_Too strong to fall._**  
**_Don’t get twisted._**  
**_Not missing you._**  
**_Take a look._**

Once you were in, you made sure to get to your usual table as fast as possible, ordering your drinks while you were sitting together, chatting and laughing. You were really glad that you tagged along, especially since the live music was indeed absolutely amazing.You and your friends talked about anything; what had happened at your work places, sharing funny stories about other friends you didn’t know, talking about almost anything in the world. And you were more than just grateful that they didn’t question you about your past once. When you had been moving there, you had only told them that it was because of a new job offer. Of course, you missed your initial home and all the people there, but the job was worth it to resettle. You had no idea how much of that they actually believed but you didn’t really feel like telling them the real reason why you packed your stuff and left. Right now the last thing you wanted to do was to think about your past, but obviously destiny had other plans for you.

You were still trapped in a funny conversation with your friends when one of them suddenly said: “Hey look at that. Aren’t those some of those WWE guys?” Your heart instantly sank as your conversation dropped with your friends turning their attention to the new arrivals. You didn’t want to look, didn’t dare to. You prayed to anyone, who would listen, that you wouldn’t see who you feared you would be seeing but it was useless. As you peeked into the direction of the entrance your heart sank even further. You had been avoiding him for the last couple of months, you made him walk out of your life, telling him that he shouldn’t dare to come back in, and yet seeing Joe standing there, immediately made you feel as if your whole past, your whole home, your whole life had returned in that very moment. And it didn’t hurt any less than it did before, of course it didn’t. You could hear your friends discuss them and the “Oh yeah they had an event here today, I have seen the billboards before” was rather distant and yet it hit you full force. You had never considered that you could cross paths again due to a show he would be wrestling in your new hometown. Of course the possibility was there but you just hadn’t thought about it. You were hoping that he wouldn’t turn his attention to you as he was waiting with Dean, Seth, Braun, Bray and a bunch of other guys for a table. And although he still looked as gorgeous as ever you noticed the sad expression on his face he had covered up with a stubborn mask. To other people he might just appear cool but you knew it better. You had seen that expression before.

When you heard your friends call your name, you snapped out of your thoughts and asked puzzled: “What? I’m sorry I didn’t listen.” One of your friends smiled at you as she wanted to know: “They are hot, aren’t they?” You shrugged your shoulders as you mumbled: “Kind of, I guess.” Your friend looked at you in disbelief as she wanted to know: “Do you even watch wrestling or know them?” Of course you did, better than you wished you did but you just shook your head, hoping that none of them would notice you, with your friend sighing dramatically as she exclaimed: “Doesn’t matter. There is just one thing you need to know about that group. You’re seeing the guy with the tattoo over his arm, that looks like a greek god?” You had to bite your tongue. The whole situation was anything else but funny but you couldn’t help but burst out laughing on the inside, knowing exactly that Joe would have pulled his most murderous face, if he had heard that comparison. Of course, he knew that he was good looking but he absolutely hated it if people reduced him to his looks only. So you just tried to keep a straight face as you said: “Yeah I do. What’s with him?” Your friend giggled as she said: “That’s Roman Reigns, probably the hottest guy the wrestling world has to offer. If he’d ask me to come with him you wouldn’t see me around here anymore because I would be gone with him that very moment.” Your friends had to laugh out loud while you shot her an annoyed look, saying: “Believe me that won’t happen.”

“How’d you know?”, she wanted to know, crooking an eyebrow as you shrugged your shoulders. “I just assume, that’s it.“, you answered as you watched the group of wrestlers head for the other side of the room, relaxing a little bit as none of them had noticed you. Y/F/N leaned over to you as he wanted to know: “Contrary to what you had just said you know him quite well, don’t you? Was he the one you had asked to walk out of your life?” You must have looked as if someone smacked you right across the face as you wanted to know: “What? I mean how…? How do you know that?” You didn’t want to admit it but you were taken way too much by surprise to deny it. He gave you a sad smile as he answered: “I have noticed that the heartbroken look was back the moment you saw him. If you want to leave, I can bring you home.” You thought about it for a second before you shook your head, saying: “No I’m good. We’re here to have a good time and this should not change that. Let’s just not talk about this topic any longer.” He looked at you questioningly but with a shrug of his shoulders he joined your friends’ conversation again, with you following his example.

**_This is me_**  
**_And I will not be invisible,_**  
**_you can’t keep me in control,_**  
**_Tonight I’m startin’ again. (again, again)_**  
**_(Don’t think I can make it alone.)_**  
**_No I will not be invisible,_**  
**_Shining bright like a star,_**  
**_I’m in control_**  
**_No you won’t hurt me again,_**  
**_You won’t hurt me again…_**

You tried not to look towards Joe’s direction but you couldn’t help peeking here and there. While his friends seemed to have a pretty good time, he was rather quiet, not really joining their conversation but staring down at the drink in his hand, twirling the glass between his fingers. As you saw him like that you not only felt the urge to move over to him and pull him into your arms, but you couldn’t help but think of all of those times those skilled fingers traced over your body, sending shivers down your spine. With all of your self-control and will you turned your attention away from him, focusing on your friends again. You didn’t know how long you managed to not look at him but the next time you did, your breath instantly hitched as you found him staring at you, his face expressing the same shock you had felt the moment he entered the club so many minutes ago. You held his glare for a few seconds before you turned away, cursing yourself for feeling the way you did in that moment. You actually thought that it would have been easier by now but seeing him in person again, brought back everything that had happened. You wanted to tear up, wanted to be anywhere but here, wanted him to be gone. But you knew that you somehow would have to get through it. You tried to ignore the fact that he was there, focusing fully on your friends again. Y/F/N had noticed how shook you were hence why he engaged you in a conversation about your work and you were more than just grateful for the distraction he offered. You could feel Joe’s eyes on you from time to time but you absolutely refused to return his gaze. You would not toss all your will aside now, you would not undo what had happened months ago. You had moved on and you were quite sure that he had done so as well.

Most of your friends were on the dance floor by now, leaving you and Y/F/N back at the table alone. He smiled at you as he wanted to know: “What do you say Y/N? Are you in the mood for dancing? I have to go to the bathroom first but it would be my pleasure if we hit the dance floor then.” You couldn’t help but chuckle. It was just so sweet how he tried to keep your thoughts occupied. You nodded your head, saying: “I would love to.”

“Perfect, be right back.”, he smiled at you as he got up, vanishing just seconds after. You took a deep breath before you took a sip of your drink. Y/F/N hadn’t left too long ago until you heard a familiar voice, that made your blood freeze, say: “I guess you have found someone new in your life, huh?” You looked up and stared directly in Joe’s eyes, that expressed pain and anger quite alike. “Wow what a nice conversation starter. I’m happy to see you as well.”, you said sarcastically, trying to hide the hurt and confusion of seeing him again after all those months. He glared down at you, answering: “What do you expect? You toss me out of your life, you tell me that you don’t want to see me again, you absolutely ignore me when I tried to reach out to you and then I have to hear from other people that you just moved away without saying a word. I thought we were friends.” You could see how hurt he was. He tried to hide it behind a mask of anger but you knew him too well to buy it. “Joe, I really don’t want to discuss any of that with you now. Go back to your friends, leave me alone with mine and just act as if this here had never happened.”, you sighed with him wanting to know in disbelief: “Really? Is that all you have to say?” You shrugged your shoulders, replying: “Yeah, there’s not really much more to say. Everything that had to be said, was said months ago. I hope you live a great life and I’m wishing you all the best in doing so. But I really don’t feel like having a conversation with you. So just go.” You had to hold yourself back from just dropping your distant appearance, to fall into his arms, to cry about anything that had happened and most of all to tell him that you still loved him more than words can say although it just wasn’t meant to be.

Before he could say another word or you could give in, Y/F/N had come back, not really caring about Joe as he wanted to know from you: “You’re ready Y/N?“

**_Take a look_**  
**_I won’t hurt._**  
**_Take a look_**  
**_I won’t hurt._**  
**_Take a look_**  
**_I won’t hurt._**  
**_Take a look_**  
**_I won’t hurt._**  
**_Take a look_**  
**_I won’t hurt._**  
**_Take a look_**  
**_I won’t hurt._**  
**_Take a look_**  
**_I won’t hurt._**

"As ready as I can be.”, you smiled before you put your drink on the table and followed his invitation to the dance floor. You tried to ignore your former best friend and ex lover as best as possible but as you were passing by him, he grabbed your arm and leaned down to you, whispering into your ear: “Please don’t walk away like that. Not again. I couldn’t take it the first time and I can’t take it another one.” You shook your head as you whispered “I’m sorry” before you freed yourself from him, heading to the dance floor with Y/F/N, leaving Joe where he was. You had no idea to how many songs you and Y/F/N had danced to already but you had to admit that you enjoyed it. It somehow helped you to forget about Joe’s presence and saved you the embarrassment from excusing yourself in order to head home. You made sure to not cross paths with him again although you were quite certain that he was still keeping his eyes on you. It came absolutely unexpected when Y/F/N suddenly leaned down to you, capturing your lips in a kiss. You were way too surprised to back away so you just let it happen, wrapping your hands around his neck out of pure reflex. You had no idea what you were doing there, given that he was a really great guy and a great friend but you were far from feeling anything else than that. Nevertheless you returned his kiss. Part of you wanted Joe to watch it, to make him suffer for having the both of you pushed over the edge just to withdraw from your relationship what felt like the very next moment. Out of the corner of your eyes you saw that he had indeed noticed what was going on and you could feel his anger and hurt radiating from him.

The next thing you remembered was that Y/F/N’s lips were suddenly gone from your own and you were staring at Joe who had pulled Y/F/N away from you, groaning: “You should keep your hands to yourself, boy.” It took you a moment to snap out of your shock before you wanted to know, your voice shaking with anger: “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He turned his attention from Y/F/N, who was way too shocked to act, to you as he took a step closer, saying: “I’m making sure that you’re not making a wrong decision just like I had made sure that you hadn’t made a wrong decision back then when you considered to get married.” You didn’t back down, quite the contrary, you stepped forward, almost touching him, as you hissed: “The only wrong decision and mistake I had made was loving you because it broke me.” With that you moved passed him, mumbling an excuse in your friend’s direction. You just had to get out there, had to get away from the man, that still held your heart no matter what had happened. You wanted to be alone in the safety of your four walls and just wanted to forget about this encounter. You knew that he would be gone the next day already as his job would take him into another city. You would have given anything if you hadn’t let your friends convince you to come with them and therefore would have avoided this misery, but it was not possible. The only possibility you had was to get away as fast as possible and forget about it all - once again, hoping that you would be more successful this time than the last.

**_This is me_**  
**_And I will not be invisible,_**  
**_you can’t keep me in control,_**  
**_Tonight I’m startin’ again. (again, again)_**  
**_Don’t think I can make it alone_**

Just seconds later you left the club and headed in the direction of your apartment. You heard Joe call your name but instead of slowing down, you increased your pace. The last thing you needed now was to have to face him in the middle of the night on an almost empty street. Of course you had done that equation without him as he caught up with you within seconds, grabbing your wrist, making you stop in your tracks. You tried to break free from him but he was just spinning you around, holding you close before he kissed you with a mix of passion and despair. You tried to push him away, tried to fight him off, but he was too strong. And if you were true to yourself, you didn’t really want to. You enjoyed the feeling of his lips on your own way too much as it was sending you back months ago when everything was still alright, when you loved each other and thought that you would have a future. Without intending to, you suddenly responded to his kiss, feeling as if you had returned home after a long and exhausting journey. It took you some time until your will was strong enough to free yourself from his embrace.

Both of your were breathing heavily as you stared at each other, unsure about how to act. You stiffened your shoulders but before you could say something he pleaded: “I know that you had said that you don’t ever want to see me again. And I’m so sorry for all the hurt I put you through. But I’m asking you to give me a chance in order to prove to you that things have changed. I have never stopped loving you, I never could and not having you by my side is something I can’t live with. Please baby girl just hear me out. Let me explain everything.“

**_No I will not be invisible,_**  
**_Shining bright like a star,_**  
**_I’m in control_**  
**_No you won’t hurt me again,_**  
**_You won’t hurt me again (again, again, again, again)_**

"I don’t know what this should change. We have been at this point already and we crossed the point of no return. Going back there would just end in the same result and I can’t do this a second time. I just can’t. I’m not strong enough.”, you said as you turned around, heading your initial way but Joe was not willing to give up, was not willing to lose you once again. “I don’t care if I have to follow you to the end of the world until you will hear me out, baby. I’m not leaving. Not like that.”, he said and as you turned around again to look at him, you could see that he was 100% serious. He wouldn’t let you go like that. And although you knew that you probably would regret it, you made the decision to hear him out. Of course, it wouldn’t change anything but it would help you at least to deal with the whole situation better. Or so you hoped at least. You slowly nodded your head as you mumbled, quite sure that you would probably regret it: “Okay I’m willing to listen to you explaining yourself. I’m not living far from here.” And with that you turned around again, knowing damn well that he was following you. As you heard him say: “Thanks babe you won’t regret it.” you couldn’t help but feel kind of sad, because you were sure that you would in the end.


End file.
